Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
