We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
