I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
