wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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