i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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