Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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