I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
