I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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