I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
