Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
