Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
