She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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