Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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