I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
