I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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