He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
