I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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