Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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