I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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