He passed out mid-signature
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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