took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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