her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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