I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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