Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
