Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
