How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
