this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
