well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
