Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
