Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
