It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
