On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
