maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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