He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
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You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dick very happy bro
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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