i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
