We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
