I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
