you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
