I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Help. Why am I so naked?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
