NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
