Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
