I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I deserve this hangover.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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