someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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