Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
and she was petting her beer can
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
