I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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