Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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