ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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