I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
