Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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