dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
