she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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