pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
