I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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