thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
