He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
