fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
