I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Shame - the story of my life.
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