he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
