He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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