Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
