Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
