Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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