When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
