3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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