Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
