so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You are the jesus of drinking
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
