I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
