Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
