I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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