is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
