Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
