I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
