Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
