broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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