I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
