Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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