But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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