he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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