they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
