How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
