Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
