and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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