Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
