moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
